My name is Jordan Mills and I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. I have not been cured, rather, I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body which resulted from the progressive and fatal disease of my alcoholism and drug addiction.
My whole life, I have always felt different than and separate from others. I struggled academically and socially. My home life was not ideal, either. I grew up in an alcoholic home. I watched my mother drink herself to sleep every day. She attempted suicide on more than one occasion. I always wondered what drove her to drink the way she did. My family had a certain reputation growing up, and most parents wouldn’t let their kids hang out with me or come over to our home. I already felt different, so others telling me that there was something different about me did not help matters. I remember thinking, “Why can’t I just have a family like theirs?” or “Why can’t I just be like him?” I wanted to be anything other than who I was.
Looking back, I see the growing importance changing the way that I felt had become in my life. When I was 13, I met a kid in group therapy, and we later became friends. I tried pot for the first time with him, not because I wanted to get high, but because I wanted him to like me. I wanted to feel accepted. However, I didn’t realize what I had set in motion. I rebelled from that point forward. When I was in 8th grade, we moved to a new town. Having to start over in a new town was not easy for me. I sought an escape from reality and began to drink alone in my room. Trouble came soon thereafter. I drunk and drugged, stole cars, manipulated others, and destroyed my family home among other things. I barely managed to make it out of high school alive, nevertheless with a diploma.
I went to college, not for an education, but to start over where no one knew me. I was introduced to OxyContin within a few weeks of being at college. Similar to past experiences, I did not do OxyContin to get high. I wanted to feel a part of and accepted. Once I experienced what this drug did for me internally, I began to chase it with the desperation of a drowning man until it brought me to my knees. My addiction took a turn for the worse and led me to a deep, dark place. Heroin soon became my one and only. Whatever it asked of me, I gave – family, loved ones, jobs, everything I had externally and internally. It became my master in every way.
In 2011, my mother passed away from a drug overdose. This was not enough for me to stop using and drinking. Her passing just provided me the ammunition and justification to drink and use more. I found myself alone in a dark place with no friends, no family, no money, and no hope whatsoever. I woke up the morning of December 28th, 2012 and finished the last bit of drugs and alcohol I had. However, this time they didn’t work. The usual sense of ease and comfort that was my solution to life’s problems failed me. I was scared.
I sat down and thought about my life. I looked at the wreck I made of my home in disgust. My father hadn’t called to check on me in weeks. This time, I made the call and surrendered. I said I would go anywhere or do anything. I just couldn’t go on like I had been anymore. I then agreed to get treatment in Manor, Texas. I felt relief in that moment knowing I was going to get some help, which I genuinely wanted for the first time. I agreed to go to any lengths for my recovery. I met men who showed me the truth about myself. They had what I wanted. I never had any role models growing up or anyone I really looked up to, except for my older brother Steven. I met a man named Greg F., and he asked me if I was ready to get sober. I was. He was my mentor for the first 5 months of my sobriety, and I looked up to him and trusted him. I wanted to have the same quality of life that I saw in him and the other men that were around me on a daily basis. I jumped in the middle of the fellowship. I followed directions, and I never looked back. I abandoned all of my old ideas, attitudes, and thoughts. I was granted the gift of desperation, and I am forever grateful for the men who carried the message to me.
I have been sober a few years now, and my whole attitude and outlook on life has been revolutionized. I have a host of new friends. My family is back in my life, and they’re in my corner cheering me on. I am accountable to my employer and friends. I spend most of my time working, and in my free time I enjoy carrying a message of depth and weight to men like myself who are trying to get well and have no hope. My job in recovery is to point a light down the tunnel and show a way out. This is the bright spot of my life today. I look forward to what’s in store and continue to trudge the road of happy destiny. May god bless you and keep you until then.